Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
