he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
