Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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