All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
then he tried to convert me to islam
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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