Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
