if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
