There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
