Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
