I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I love you.
Bad choice
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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