i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
