i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize