I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
