youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
