I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
