my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
