When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
this just has baby written all over it
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
