just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Randomize
