Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
