what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
