With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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