Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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