totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
