i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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