Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
