I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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