One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Just pee around me
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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