Screwed.edu
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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