I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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