that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
