Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
