I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
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