that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
