I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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