Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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