You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
