Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
