just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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