she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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