Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
