So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
