Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
