I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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