Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
