Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
