all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
