I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
