Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
