so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
