I didn't shave. On purpose
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
