Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
