She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
This is the high leading the old right now
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
