ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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