smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
