we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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