Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Barsexuality is the new black.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
