Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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