Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Randomize
