sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
