I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
