I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
