I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Randomize
