I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize