Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Alive.
So much puke
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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