i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
