Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
